THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SACHÉ by Sebulba2179 Redserge@ttlc.net Rated PG ********** Day One Plans for Saturday-night blowout at University of Theed were ruined when Yané hid all my noisemakers. Sillé Yané. Have to think long and hard about plotting revenge now. Will probably involve sticking a "BANG!" flag in her blaster before next target practise. Ha ha! Day Two Turns out Yané was coerced by Panaka into reducing the noise level so he could listen for snipers. Hellooo...snipers go out of their way not to make any noise! Panaka so needs a life. Day Three Had water fight with Sabé while washing dishes. Had pillow fight with Rabé while settling in for the night. And they both had the gall to accuse me of starting both fights...bah, they wish. Must investigate small favours done by you-know- who. Day Five Investigation proved correct. Planted bowl of cold tomato soup in Yané's bed. Tongue-lashing by the Queen was worth the look on Yané's face after we scraped her off the ceiling. Panaka not too rosy either, but then Panaka's always a grump. Gov. Bibble, however, congratulated the Queen on picking such an "ingenious handmaiden." Go me! Day Eight V. dark in wine cellar. Queen decided to put my ingenuity to use restocking the place. No good deed goes unpunished. *sigh* Day Nine Do hope Rabé isn't on Yané's side. Air down here v. bad for hair, which also reeks of red wine after three days of back-busting getting these racks in order. Ought to invite Klarié and maybe Olié down here for an orgy. Olié would jump at the chance, knowing him. Olié acts like such a brainless goon when the Queen is around. What is he anyway, a pervy queen-fancier or something? One thing's for sure, Sabé will kill him if he tries anything. Day Ten Orgy a qualified shuckshesh. Too bad wuz only wun abell to utend. Mabey wine- celler duty not shuch a cruddy job after allllllllllllll... Day Eleven One hangover to rule them all. Would love to be Force-sensitive at time like this. Hear that Force is v. good on migraines. Day Twelve Eirtaé stowed away in delivery van this morning. Sounds like absolutely ridiculous number of battle droids headed this way. Apparently Trade Federation blockaded planet while I was downstairs trying to make the best of wine cellar. Why doesn't anybody TELL me these things??!?! -later- Oh, sure, Yané gets to sit in while Queen confers with old Palpy. Hope Sabé will give an ear. Day Thirteen Was going to try and get Gunray, Haako, et al. into wine cellar to get them poodoo-faced, but Sabé is queen now and her dratted sobriety is legendary. Though doubt it will last long with this hot young Jedi popping out of nowhere and frying a half-dozen battle droids before you could say "Force." Just trying to impress Sabé with his lightsaber, I don't doubt. Hot young Jedi unfortunately cancelled out by grumpy old Jedi, who convinced Sabé to go flitting off to Coruscant. Well, at least Panaka will keep him in check in the grump department. Day Eighteen Do not know why Queen has it in for me, leaving me behind with HER. Ah, well. Maybe her silliness will kill me quickly and mercifully. Maybe we'll get really lucky and it'll also fry a few of these blasted droids. Day Twenty Yané trying to talk battle droids to death. Good grief. Will try to sneak away to wine cellar. Be much better than listening to her beat her gums together trying to invite OOM-9 to a picnic in the Fields of the Yarow. Day 22 Battle droids even have wine cellar under guard. Cannot cope. Off to University of Theed in hopes that Alpha Chi Omega has a little "service project" in the works. Day 25 Haven't seen Yané all week. Worries me a little, although silence is golden. Day 26 Bored, bored, bored. Uber-bored. Bored to tears. More bored than an anthracite mine. So bored it's boring. Bore it like Beckham - oh, wait, that's Sabé's line. Am a poet and didn't know it. Never thought Federation invasion would be so boring. Feeling v. restless. Battle droids show even less imagination than Olié. Might have to go find Yané and see if she wants to do something fun. Heck, by now even a really sinister, old-fashioned interrogation might be a welcome change. Day 27 Even Yané doesn't have any bright ideas. Whodathunkit? Day 28 Yané must be secret member of Alpha Chi Omega. Only she could give them sillé idea to sneak up behind battle droids one by one and roll them up in Reynolds Wrap. Just hope plan won't be foiled. Day 30 Plan foiled. Queen came back from Coruscant and spoiled our fun again. Stupid Queen. Yané v. relieved, O she of little faith. Day 31 Hot young Jedi impressed the hell out of Sabé by killing Sith Lord. Great. Now we'll never hear the end of Obi-this, Obi-that, Obi-the-other-thing. -later- Was playing soccer with Sabé when Eirtaé suddenly butted in and yelled at us for playing with the Peace Ball. Whoooops... Day 32 Morning: Gungan Peace Parade. Afternoon: Gungan Peace Banquet. Evening: Gungan Peace Dinner. Night: Naboo Royal Blowout at Alpha Chi Omega. Noisemakers and all. We are drunk, Your Highness. **********